What They Don't Advertise (Roller Coaster Edition)

[Drkstarboard]

As everyone knows when one advertises something, you want to advertise the good things and not whats bad about what your advertising. Since everyone's heard all the good things about a roller coaster as advertised, why not "advertise" the bad things, or the flaws. It may sound confusing at first but it's easy. Try to be creative. This may be stupid but it's an idea.

Heres mine:

Original (at the time): Top Thrill Dragster: The World's Tallest and Fastest roller coaster. 420 ft and 120mph (in less than 4 seconds). The World's First "strata" coaster (any roller coaster to reach the 400' mark)

New Advertisement: Top Thrill Dragster: 420ft queue line reaching 1:20min waits in less than 4 seconds.

See what I mean? So now you try. Like I said, it's kind of hard at first.

[Trailblazer Tony]

The banner on Mean Streak claiming it is "One of the top wooden coasters in the world"

Yeah...it's one of the top wooden coasters in the world.......for me to Poop on! (Any Triumph fans here?)

[andyvball93]

Son of Beast

Expierence the world's tallest, fastest, and only looping wooden roller coaster in the world

Expierence the world's crapiest, fastest to send you into head trauma, and the only wooden rollerocaster that has more injuries then how many timeslindsey lohan has been a "firecrotch"

[CoasterDude12-2]

With heights of 203 feet, drops of 144 feet and speeds up to 67 MPH, this attraction adds new meaning to the phrase "let it ride!" It features the world's first "heartline" twist and dive maneuver, allowing riders to experience the thrilling force of negative g's! Simulating a barrel-roll in a jet fighter, it rolls 180 degrees, hangs 86 feet in the air, then dives back under itself- promising dizzying excitement and white-knuckle thrills!
-from New York New York hotel website

Manhattan Express:
Count how many times you'll say the f-word and various other profanities as you get banged up worse than you would in Abu Ghraib! It features the first heartline dive, the smooth part of the ride, allowing riders to breathe and brace for the next round of torture, 86 feet in the air. You're sure to be disappointed or you'll receive a FULL refund!

[Drkstarboard]

^ . Nice

[Galvan]

Great Idea for a Topic! Moved it to the General Coaster Forum


Kingda Ka: Too Big to Believe, Too High to Breathe, Too Fast to Scream


That was from a Six Flags Key Chain.


Kingda Ka: So many breakdowns on a ride so big and fast, that youll start to scream that you believe the people who built ths ride where high!

[Drkstarboard]

Thank You.

. You would think Intiman (sp?) was high.

[FRD714]

Iron Wolf

A steel stand-up roller coaster featuring a 90-foot plummet, hairpin turns, a corkscrew loop and a 360-degree vertical loop. The Iron Wolf debuted as the world's tallest, fastest stand-up looping coaster.

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A steel stand-up headbanger, featuring a 90 foot plummit, hairpin turns, a corkscrew loop and a 360-degree vertical loop that will have you howling for the brake run. The Iron Wolf debuted as the world's tallest, fastest and crappiest stand-up looping coaster.

[Danhockey04]

V2

Strap in and fly the fast track this summer aboard Midwest's Most Extreme Thrill Ride Ever! Vertical Velocity, or V2 for short, is a suspended spiraling impulse coaster that utilizes an advance design electromagnetic propulsion system to launch riders to speeds of up to 70 mph in less than four seconds. Thrill-seekers rocket forward and backward, straight up and straight back down two 185-foot vertical sky towers. A spiraling corkscrew atop the first vertical tower gives you a wicked whirl just as you reach its already dizzying heights.

-----

Strap yourself in our pain killer harnesses aboard Midwest's Most Extreme Tame Ride Ever! V2 is an impulse coaster (most overrated and room wasting ride) that launches riders to 40 MPH in about 5 seconds. Riders rock back and forth slowly and calmly up and down vertical towers at 185 feet, but you only go up 150-160 feet. All males will love the second time going up the back straight spike as riders will be surprised as it stops vertical to hurt all riders. It's a nice ride to get hurt on and bore yourself to death, so have a painful experience.

[zjohn1988]

Superman: Ultimate Flight

Now, you can flat-out fly like the Man of Steel himself! Riders lie down, facing the sky, then fly head-first through tortuously twisted steel track -- diving into highly banked curves, spirals and a jaw-dropping, pretzel shaped, inverted loop.

-----Now you can waste your day trying to fly like the fool himself! Riders lie down facing more morons, then fly head first through a torturous waste of steel track --diving into a highly pointless curve, giving up everything in your pockets in a spiral, and a hip breaking pretzel shaped inverted loop.

[FRD714]

^LOL nice.

[!)EJAVU-FAN!]

--American Eagle

Experience out of this world thrills on Six Flags Great America’s racing wooden coaster American Eagle!

Soaring into its 25th season, the high-flying thrills of American Eagle make this ride a Six Flags treasure. The double-tracked racing wooden roller coaster gives passengers an impressive eagle's eye view of the park before careening down a 147-foot drop. Step aboard the American Eagle Red or Blue and see who makes it to the bottom first!

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American Retard, climb aboard this not so breath taking and about to fall apart wooden rollercoaster, and hope for the best. Start up 147 feet in the air and end diving down into fetal positoning hills that will surely make you say man....i think this was worse then that time my ex wife divorced me for telling her i was seeing her sister-in-law... So come on Down to Not Doing so Great America to try this head chopping, back breaking rollercoaster today! .riders discretion is advised.

[Trailblazer Tony]

Superman: Ultimate Flight

Now, you can flat-out fly like the Man of Steel himself! Riders lie down, facing the sky, then fly head-first through tortuously twisted steel track -- diving into highly banked curves, spirals and a jaw-dropping, pretzel shaped, inverted loop.

-----Now you can waste your day trying to fly like the fool himself! Riders lie down facing more morons, then fly head first through a torturous waste of steel track --diving into a highly pointless curve, giving up everything in your pockets in a spiral, and a hip breaking pretzel shaped inverted loop.

Very true about the pockets! I was beginning to think I was the only one who rides this ride in fear of their poor wallet or cell phone falling out...King Chaos is bad for this as well.

[Drkstarboard]

^ I worry about the same thing on Superman and King Chaos. Sometimes Déjà Vu.

[Sedir]

Same here I'm pretty paranoid when I'm at SFGAm. I feel the need to constantly check my pockets to make sure I have everything. It's pretty annoying.

[Clonebiscuit]

Looks like you guys made ARN&R again.

http://absolutelyreliable.com/2006_10_08_rumorarchive.html#116056574590174340 Click on the blue text near the end of the article, and enjoy the neverending loop.

[LAFFfan4lyfe]

zipper pockets boys.....zipper pockets is all i'm going to say

[Drkstarboard]

Looks like you guys made ARN&R again.

http://absolutelyreliable.com/2006_10_08_rumorarchive.html#116056574590174340 Click on the blue text near the end of the article, and enjoy the neverending loop.

At least we're getting somewhere

[FRD714]

Looks like you guys made ARN&R again.

http://absolutelyreliable.com/2006_10_08_rumorarchive.html#116056574590174340 Click on the blue text near the end of the article, and enjoy the neverending loop.

LMAO that article is simply great.

[zjohn1988]

zipper pockets boys.....zipper pockets is all i'm going to say

zippers and cargos

[Drkstarboard]

Déjà Vu: Take on a Phenomenon: The next generation suspended looping boomerang rollercoaster Déjà Vu is one of the world's tallest and fastest of its kind. Déjà Vu combines state-of-the-art thrill ride technology with a brand new twist. Riders will experience ultimate thrills flying forwards and backwards over twisting, looping inverted steel track.

Strapped into sleek ski-lift style chairs suspended from the track above, Déjà Vu sends riders dangling face-down up the first 90-degree tower, then dropping 178 feet at speeds of 65 miles per hour before racing head-over-heels on a 102 foot-tall vertical loop followed by an enormous 110-foot-tall butterfly turn before rocketing up the second 178-foot tower. This time, riders are on their back with nothing but the sky above their dangling feet. The heart-pounding rush accelerates as the entire thrill is experienced again, only this time . . . backwards! It's Déjà Vu !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After your 2 1/2 wait which seems like forever, riders will strap themselves into ski-lift style chairs suspended from the track above,Déjà Vu sends riders dangling face-down up the first 90-degree tower (in excruciating pain), then dropping 178 feet at speeds of 65 miles per hour before racing head-over-heels on an enormous 110-foot-tall butterfly then sail into a 102 foot, then travel up the 2nd 178 ft tower (if it doesn't miscatch), once reaching the top (after waiting for a few seconds up there. You will think you are on the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror), riders will plummet down to repeat the course again...BACKWARDS! Déjà Vu is the tallest,fastest, and most unreliable of it's kind!

Even though I love this ride, it's all true

[Danhockey04]

/\ I wouldn't say the most unrealiable one of its kind, the one at SFGAm is close if not the most realiable Giant Inverted Boomerang. Stuntfall is probably the most realiable GIB, but SFGAm is taken care of really well by the great mechanics SFGAm has.

[Drkstarboard]

^ I know but that was the press reliece (sp?) so I wrote it as if it was back in 2001 when it was unreliable.

[The Beast]

--American Eagle

Experience out of this world thrills on Six Flags Great America’s racing wooden coaster American Eagle!

Soaring into its 25th season, the high-flying thrills of American Eagle make this ride a Six Flags treasure. The double-tracked racing wooden roller coaster gives passengers an impressive eagle's eye view of the park before careening down a 147-foot drop. Step aboard the American Eagle Red or Blue and see who makes it to the bottom first!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

American Retard, climb aboard this not so breath taking and about to fall apart wooden rollercoaster, and hope for the best. Start up 147 feet in the air and end diving down into fetal positoning hills that will surely make you say man....i think this was worse then that time my ex wife divorced me for telling her i was seeing her sister-in-law... So come on Down to Not Doing so Great America to try this head chopping, back breaking rollercoaster today! .riders discretion is advised.

I sincerely hope this is tongue in cheek...