Chuck

by **SIC COASTER** on November 26th, 2005, 2:56 pm

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Place your Chuck Norris jokes here

by **w00dland** on November 26th, 2005, 7:02 pm

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.

by **Galvan** on November 26th, 2005, 7:07 pm

Chuck Norris' rule of no asian chicks came about because his mother Chop Suei Norris is Asian, He didnt want to offend Chop Suei his mother if he brought home another Asian girl.

Norris also holds the world record for long distance urination... a record 760 feet!

Chuck Norris' middle name is Gomer

Chuck Norris has starred in over 12,000 movies... 3 of which where actually good enough to earn a 1/2 star by Ebert and Roper.

by **SIC COASTER** on November 27th, 2005, 2:49 am

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

by **sfgam05** on November 29th, 2005, 9:43 pm

Chuck Norris is my hero!!!!!!

I wish I could meet him, in fact, that is my purpose in life, to meet and become friends with Chuck Norris. One day.............

by **SIC COASTER** on November 29th, 2005, 11:05 pm

Jesus's Birthday isn't December 25 but Chuck Norris once sent him a birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Chuck the truth. Thats why we celebrate Christmas

by **kahmooza** on December 2nd, 2005, 10:52 pm

by **Chitown** on December 3rd, 2005, 3:58 am

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

http://www.4q.cc/chuck/

When you go into this link, keep refreshing the page for a different Chuck Norris fact. :lol:

by **SIC COASTER** on December 3rd, 2005, 2:07 pm

Yeah thats where I get all of mine from lol.

by **rct2wizard360** on December 9th, 2005, 7:40 pm

Chuck Norris once ate three 72oz. steaks in one hour.
He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress.

Chuck Norris recently sued NBC for their show "Law and Order" for stealing the name of his left and right legs.

by **CoasterDave316** on December 31st, 2005, 5:31 pm

In the eyes of a ranger.
The unsuspecting stranger.
Had better know the truth of wrong from right.
Cause the eyes of the ranger are upon you.
Any wrong you do he's going to see.
When your in texas look behind you.
Cause that's where the rangers going to be.

by **Gangsta Fruit 26** on February 10th, 2006, 7:58 pm

I don't get this. Why did you guys pick Chuck Norris to make fun of. Am I missing something here, oh and these jokes aren't funny.

by **twixmix0303** on February 11th, 2006, 2:21 pm

Yeah I don't get this either.

by **Gangsta Fruit 26** on February 11th, 2006, 6:45 pm

Yeah, I seriously don't get it. I even saw something on ESPN about it too.

by **[jonrev]** on February 11th, 2006, 6:53 pm

Some of the worst jokes ive ever heard here.

by **kahmooza** on March 8th, 2006, 6:14 pm

There is no skin under Chuck Norris' beard. Just another fist!

by **RBull4life** on March 8th, 2006, 6:27 pm

Chuck Norris always leaves the toilet seat up

by **TooTired** on March 8th, 2006, 6:52 pm

For those that don't get it....you're looking to hard.

Chuck Norris doesn't know the meaning of wartime - all he knows is gametime.

When Chuck Norris gives blood he refuses to use a needle and tube, instead he opts for a handgun and a bucket

by **kahmooza** on March 8th, 2006, 11:23 pm

Chuck Norris prefers Pepsi to Coke, McDonald's to Burger King, and, surprisingly, Mr. Pibb to Dr. Pepper. When asked why, Chuck Norris responded with, "I don't trust Doctors." Then, he shot lasers out of his eyes, and ate the hearts of everyone in the room.

by **Aero737** on March 9th, 2006, 12:11 am

Chuck norris fad is for stupid internet nerds.

by **Do I Know You** on March 9th, 2006, 12:41 am

Chuck Norris jokes became excruciatingly lame when my English teacher started using them a month ago.

by **ymmit** on March 9th, 2006, 1:22 am

Well, this is new to me and i think these are pretty funny, so....

Chuck Norris is the only man known to beat a Super Mario game in under a minute. He went back in time to just before Bowser took Princess Peach. He pulled the spikes off the back of Bowser's shell and stuck them in his face. He finished him off with a roundhouse kick to the face, which made his head explode. Game over.

by **kahmooza** on March 9th, 2006, 2:28 am

^ Right on my man! This is funny stuff.

Chuck Norris can arm-pit fart without using his hands.

by **ymmit** on March 9th, 2006, 12:02 pm

Shortly after winning the 1978 international Kung Fu title Chuck Norris flew around the world in a hot air balloon in 3 days, prooving that records are simply a list of things Chuck Norris has never attempted.

NASA's origional saying at a space launch was, "3, 2, 1, CHUCK NORRIS!"

Chuck Norris has never given anyone the finger. However, it is believed that the event could flatten landscape within a 30 mile radius.

by **ymmit** on March 9th, 2006, 12:06 pm

hehe

The French surrender to Chuck Norris every day at 2pm.

On Neil Armstrong's second step on the moon, he found a note that said, "Chuck Norris was here."

Chuck

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