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You MIGHT be a ricer IF...

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Postby Aero737 on June 9th, 2005, 12:46 pm
1. You find yourself using the excuse "yo, but you got twice as many cylindaz" after EVERY race.
2. You have a 4-door 'type-R'.
3. Your gumby pants make it hard to shift.
4. More than 10 of your mods involve shielding what's actually underneath.
5. You have stickers that even most asians don't get.
6. You have stickers for parts you don't have.
7. You refer to 50hp as the 'big shot'.
8. Your car has so much camber it can drive on its side.
9. When you drive by, WW2 veterans run for shelter.
10. Your exhaust tip diameter is 4 times the inner muffler diameter.
11. You have 'powered by' anything anywhere on the car.
12. Birds make nests on your spoiler because its taller than the trees.
13. You sell crack for the image, not the money.
14. You have 'N/T' polished on one side of the car and don't know what bracket racing is.
15. You will only race if the other guy removes four sparkplugs.
16. You can't race uphills.
17. You have 'All Motor' emblazoned on your rear hatch, right next to your 14.50 dial-in
18. You brag about having nitrous and have a 14.50 dial-in.
19. The exhaust system for your 1.8L is bigger than most pro-stock cars.
20. You've spent more money on stickers and stripes than you did on actual performance mods.
21. You go to a performance shop and go directly to the decal bin.
22. Your tach is bigger than your head.
23. You have a shiftlight and your car is an automatic.
24. You refuse to race because it's a 'show car'.
25. Your only mods are cut factory springs and a 5" exhaust tip.
26. At autocross events you don't compete because you have a drag-race setup, and at drag races you brag about kicking ass at the autocross.
27. You have more lights on the front of your car than the USS Voyager.
28. You brag about a turbo kit that never seems to get installed.
29. Two years ago, your mom used to drive you to school in what's now your 'race car'.
30. Your bright green $300 air filter is bigger than your engine.
31. Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.
32. You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.

and a few more...

You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.

You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.

Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
17" rims up front, 13" out back on your FWD.

You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.

You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual transmission

DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.

Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.

A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.

Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.

The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...

Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1."
Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.
You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.

You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children and clowns are driving them.

You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.

Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...

Your sum knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."

You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.

You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.

Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...

The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.

You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!

You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.

You install clear corner and brake lights.

You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.

You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.

You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.

You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!

If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you’ve done to your engine yet.

EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.

You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Mustang, Camaro, or Firebird.

You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.

You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.

The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.

If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.

You think the Del Sol is a sports car...

A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.

You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance

If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque
If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.

If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog / driving lights.

If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T.

Your baseball cap is always on backwards when you drive (the first sign of mental retardation, wearing your clothes backwards... BE).

You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...

If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.

If you think the Fugees are 'speed' music.

MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.

Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.

Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!")

The color of your interior upholstery hurts the cones and rods in other people's eyes.

If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.

If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.

If you think that 180 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.

If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.

You think pushrods are a bad thing…

Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.

Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Accord was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.

If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…

You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that everytime you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.

You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.

If you can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.

You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.

If you have ever thought Hyundai and "performance" went hand in hand

If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...

If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…

If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself ...

If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...

You put Kanji on your Ford ZX2, Ford Probe, or Mercury Cougar ...
You own a "TYPE-R" Hyundai or Mazda.

You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon and it's peeling. Badly.

You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.

You own a V-TEC Hyundai or Mazda (especially a V-TEC rotary engined Mazda RX-7)

You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment

You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.

If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.

You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool

You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler with the weld marks extremely visible

If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers

If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators

You have a front wing.

If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers

If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater™

If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool

If you think colored head lights work better

Clear tail lights and turn signals. They’re colored for a REASON!

If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it

You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch

You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.

You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.

You claim you lost because you missed a shift... and your car is an automatic.

You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice..

Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory.

after losing you flip your opponent off... rev your motor and fail to break the wheels loose even around a corner.

Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills."

you are a white kid driving an import.. wear baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin? Relate."

Your idea of aiming a handgun is raising your arm over your head, pointing the gun away from you, and then just letting your wrist fall to the side to where the gun is almost sideways ...

drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.

You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring

You are a skinny, backwards hat wearing, dog chain wallet, 2 ft wide pants leg, Limp Bizkit looking white boy fag with a badly applied peroxide hair color treatment and temporary rub-on tattoos!

You've spent more on graphics and decals than you have in gas, for the whole year

You sound like you're going 90, but you're creeping past 25

You upgraded to the "big bore" 2 inch exhaust

You lose 2 mpg by installing a body kit

Your wing is so large that if you go faster than 65, your bumper drags

You think "displacement" is something that happens to homeless people

Yugo's give you a run for the money

You continuously run red lights because they are invisible thru your red window tint

15's are considered HUGE rims

You can reach back and defrost the rear window by hand

You will race anyone, anytime, and already know that you will lose

You think Moby is one of the greatest composers of our time

You spend all your money pimping it out because spending money to make it faster is a waste

Your little sister is the only one impressed with your car

When you win a race, you don't really win, it's just that the other guy felt soooo sorry for you

You think your mom's Corolla is fast

The cross section of your exhaust tip is bigger than the contact patch of your tires

You bought the big ass tach to try to scare off the fast cars

But all it does is let people know how hard you have to push it to exceed the legal speed limit

You rev on school busses

Hell, you rev on people in electric wheelchairs

You buy and install custom rims a pair at a time

YOU REALIZE THAT ALL OF THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND YOU STILL THINK YOU'RE COOL!!!

You've entered a 12 step program called "How to come to terms with your limitations"

The bill of your hat gets caught when you roll the window up

You really want to kick my ass right now

You cut 2" holes in your rear bumper and don't know what they're for

You cut 2" holes in your rear bumper and DO know what they're for

You go to the auto paint store and pick out the most retina burning color you can find

You buy race gas to drop you from 17.02 to 16.9 in the quarter, and then tell all your friends how fast you went

You add a second battery to power all the neon, and the mini disco ball

You add a wing on TOP of your car, 'cause wagons need down force too

You've ever painted bare, raw fiberglass black and said "Look! It's just like carbon fiber!"

You get pimped out props from the mini truck crowd

You still only get dates from high school girls

You actually own a pair of light up glasses from Checker Auto

When you install your super phat wing, you put the pointy ends up

You purchase and install a body kit, one piece at a time

You saw the "Rice Boy" magazine in the back of Sport Compact, and inquired about a subscription

Your brother is pissed cause you stole the muffler off his dirt bike (it was a direct fit!)

Your dad is worried cause you bought a car with less displacement than his lawnmower

...whew....
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Postby twixmix0303 on June 9th, 2005, 1:03 pm
Just one quick question: what's a ricer :?:
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Postby CoasterDude12-2 on June 9th, 2005, 8:32 pm
I was just thinking that. That post took ya a while, huh Aero?
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Postby Aero737 on June 9th, 2005, 9:12 pm
About 30 seconds.
Oh a Ricer is someone who 'tricks' out their car thinking it's fast when in all acutality its just a slow 4 cylander civic with a wing, stickers, and a loud exhaust.

Basically people who do stuff to their cars thinking it will make it go fast, but it does nothing but make it ugly.
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Postby rct2wizard360 on June 9th, 2005, 9:40 pm
All thanks to the Fast and the Furious. Only way racing can be cool is if its driven in Manual. Any other people...sorry but you just suck.
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Postby w00dland on June 9th, 2005, 11:29 pm
Hah, are you even old enough to drive yet?

If I had an automatic firebird it wouldn't suck.
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Postby twixmix0303 on June 10th, 2005, 12:43 am
Okay, so I have an automatic and have shifted into neutral while at a red light...but only twice. When I figured out that you don't have to hold the button down to go between neutral and drive, I became obsessed with shifting. :)
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Postby Binks Drake on June 10th, 2005, 12:56 am
Is there a language that your speaking?
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Postby CoasterDude12-2 on June 10th, 2005, 1:49 am
Yes, there is. He's speaking dumass with a car accent.
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Postby punkbunny24242 on June 10th, 2005, 8:14 am
I got a new Pontiac G6 GT and it has automatic & manual.. this is the 1st time that I have ever seen both in car but I'm too scared to try the manual. I have been driving automatic for 10 years now and someone said that unless you were 1st taught to drive manual that you will never learn it because you get too used to driving automatic. Has anyone ever been taught to drive automatic and then started driving manual??
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Postby twixmix0303 on June 10th, 2005, 11:52 am
Is there a language that your speaking?


Yes, there is. He's speaking dumass with a car accent.


Was that directed towards me? I really hope it wasn't.....
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Postby Aero737 on June 10th, 2005, 1:18 pm
punkbunny24242 wrote:I got a new Pontiac G6 GT and it has automatic & manual.. this is the 1st time that I have ever seen both in car but I'm too scared to try the manual. I have been driving automatic for 10 years now and someone said that unless you were 1st taught to drive manual that you will never learn it because you get too used to driving automatic. Has anyone ever been taught to drive automatic and then started driving manual??


I know plenty of people who have switched, but then again all my friends enjoy cars and driving. They all say that driving a stick is more exciting and fun than automatic.
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Postby ihauntu2 on June 10th, 2005, 1:25 pm
Aero737

Thank you for making my week. I am one of the few my age that believes in making true hot rod / customs. Not this Fast & the Furious BS that every one else insists on.

My friend is working on a '38 Ford Pick-up. My other friend has a collection that includes a '69 camaro & 2 1950 Hudson Hornets. I will be purchasing a mid 50's to early 60's GM in the next year or so. I can't decide if I want to go with a boat or a fat curved body. All I know is that it will take 10 yrs or better to finish it the way I want it.

One more to add to the list

Men use a throttle, Babies use a bottle(Nos).

Now excuse me before I pass out from laughter :lol:
It's the most fun in the park when your laughing in the dark.
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Postby rct2wizard360 on June 10th, 2005, 4:37 pm
w00dland wrote:Hah, are you even old enough to drive yet?


Not quite, hot permit action. Driving the stick Jeep. Alot more fun then the automatic Volvo. :roll:

Stick makes you feel powerful. 8)
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Postby sfgamfan023 on June 10th, 2005, 7:21 pm
punkbunny24242 wrote:I got a new Pontiac G6 GT and it has automatic & manual.. this is the 1st time that I have ever seen both in car but I'm too scared to try the manual. I have been driving automatic for 10 years now and someone said that unless you were 1st taught to drive manual that you will never learn it because you get too used to driving automatic. Has anyone ever been taught to drive automatic and then started driving manual??
It's not actually manual, it's just an automatic that you control the shifts.
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Postby mschulz5 on June 10th, 2005, 9:20 pm
Yea, my friend's 2004 Mazda 6 has that too. Man, what a fun car to drive. :D
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Postby Aero737 on June 10th, 2005, 9:36 pm
tiptronic.....= T3h SUXXX

It's a wanna be's way to have a manual...Basically you press the button and 3 seconds later it shifts. No good.
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Postby Raging_Bull on June 11th, 2005, 1:15 am
oops u got all of those
1. Voyage
2. X
3. Millenium Force
4. Top Thrill Dragster
5. Raging Bull

'05 Bull: 113
'06 Bull: lost count but not a lot
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Postby w00dland on July 27th, 2005, 12:26 pm
Sorry to bring this topic back up again, but it was really funny. And I'm happy to say that I've made the switch from about a year and a half of driving my automatic Prelude (yes I'm sorry) to the stick Eclipse GS-T. It's a lot more fun to drive.
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